5/1/2026 "It's Me" by ILLIT is Literally Fine

I do not believe that the music of girl groups under HYBE Entertainment is causing the downfall of civilization, as many people seem to imply with every passing tweet. I also do not believe that slop is a useful word that means anything in the world of art criticism, as of right now, May of 2026. 

Here is "It's Me" by ILLIT (pronounced EYE-LIT). This song has been all the rage on Twitter lately, especially since it is currently being promoted alongside two other songs - "Celebrate" by LESSERAFIM and "Pinky Up" by Katseye - from the same entertainment supercompany, HYBE. At first, I personally disliked "It's Me". The People pointed out that the song was very different from ILLIT's previous releases, speculating that the trio of songs released in the same time frame are manifestations of HYBE's greed, its desire to capitalize off of some kind of EDM craze.  

I think there are some things to criticize about "It's Me". For one, the chorus is essentially that of BLACKPINK's "Jump". For two (???), I don't like the way "I'm the one, I'm your idol" is delivered. For three (??????), I don't like that choreography - it feels ridiculous and too on-the-nose for the silliness of this song. 

But I'm not even interested in criticizing the song anymore, because as much as I hate HYBE Entertainment for being a huge media conglomerate, and as much as I will not listen to this song through official means because of the ongoing HYBE boycott, I'm very sick of the way art is treated these days. I am sick of things being arbitrarily judged as "high-effort" or "slop", "authentic" or "cheap"; I'm very sick of the miserable way in which people dismiss anything that challenges their taste as below them. I know I sound ridiculous as someone who criticizes music all the time - and I think people are absolutely allowed to dig into music that they hate, even so far as to accuse it of having a corporate sheen on it. 

It's just incredibly annoying seeing people moralize constantly about art as if art isn't one of the most subjective things out there. It's come to the point where I am sick of seeing people who don't understand the subjectivity inherent to art attempt to make moral critiques of society through art. People through the ages have always been saying that music was better when they were a kid. I feel like we as a society should have progressed past that. People should be able to say that they don't get what the kids are picking up these days without calling new things "degenerate slop" - or worse, beginning and ending their political critique with "music is bad nowadays because the world is bad." You can easily make an argument for art being affected by the sociopolitical climate in which the artist functions; you can even say "music from the Reagan administration sucked because the world sucked more than usual." You can easily say that shit without annoying the fuck out of me. And yet you have managed to annoy the fuck out of me!

ILLIT fans have (perhaps rightfully!) buried all the tweets I wanted to show as evidence of what I'm talking about, so I sound like I'm making shit up. But I am not, truly I am not. I feel as though this discourse is unavoidable. Do people have no other things to criticize capitalism for, but that it kills some mythical "soul" of art? There is nothing in it; art is nothing. Art is not as strong and all-important as people seem to believe. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Everything is in the eye of the beholder. This post is entirely subjective. Even morality is subjective. Isn't that fucked up? We need socialism. These are things I believe every artist and critic should understand.

Anyway, I do feel that "It's Me" aligns with ILLIT's general identity because it is, at its core, very cute. Who's your bias? I'm your bias! I love the song now, out of spite. Your criticisms have had the opposite effect. Take that!

 

3/24/2026 Moodboarding

The March 2026 feeling, in wonderfully low quality.

Here is my Pinterest collage that describes this month. I have never done anything like this before, so I was just throwing shit at the wall. I tried to fill every bit of space that I could here, but I couldn't. I never could do so in my first grade art projects. It was impossible to me at the time. How could something so simple, like filling in all the white space in a drawing, be so difficult? Children really do have it hard.

3/6/2026 I'm Not Particularly Surprised That a Man With That Mustache is an Asshole

I think the Timothée Chalamet clip of him calling opera and ballet irrelevant was stupid. I'm a really big opera person myself, so it made my chest tighten a little. But now I have seen people writing think pieces on how Chalamet has grown too arrogant and sucks now. All this over a classic unfunny tasteless YouTuber-style joke? Were you surprised that this young and skinny white man with a mustache and old-man eyes is randomly rude to random people and has bad comedic timing? Was this shocking to you? Sure, I would love to see an actor in 2026 who appreciates the theater, especially as its narrative structure bleeds into that of early film - but it should not be strange to you that Chalamet, a film actor in the 21st century and famously obnoxious high schooler, does not see "Il barbiere" as relevant to his career.

And now every ballet company and opera house is tagging him and writing big paragraphs about how important ballet and opera are, and I really do not think that it is all that big of a deal. It is always horrifying when something that should just stay between a few film Twitter accounts breaks through onto Instagram. Glad that you all get an opportunity to promote yourselves, but this is embarrassing. And not classy. I know the history of opera and ballet is famously not classy, but that shouldn't stop us from improving!!! Come on!!!

In short, I really didn't think this would be that big of a deal, and it's embarrassing to see people blow up about it. The one positive is that a man is getting the amount of fierce backlash that women in the public eye get all the time. Do I enjoy that all of us are at risk of getting clipped out of context and analyzed into oblivion? No. It's my worst nightmare. But who in the world is a more deserving victim than Timothée Chalamet?

3/5/2026 I Love Palm Pals

The ideal stuffed animal for me has beady black eyes, a suitably sized nose, and a tasteful mouth or lack of mouth. Palm Pals are very nearly perfect in that regard. Look at these bears. Oh my god. They're perfect.

The bears.

Their little stubby paws n feet :.......(((( Their little noses n their little eyes T_T Are you seeing these kitties???

The cats.

You don't fucking understand. The gray one is an accomplice to the orange one's shenanigans. They're holding the yarn. I'm gonna cry. The orange one looks so confused with their mouth all little and cute...

There are puppies, too. Look at tha spaniel with their fluffy ears....

The doggies.

I have the golden retriever doggy and her fur gives her angry eyebrows. She's a baby. 

My darling daughter.

I also have the little lop-eared bunny in the center.

The bnubys.

Mine looks different than his cousin in the photo. He looks more wide-eyed and inquisitive and stupid. I love my baby bnuuy son. 

The bnuuy.

I also have a black cat who I especially coddle, given that he is one of the few cat stuffies I own (the others are my sister's).

The stock Palm Pal black cat.

Once again my boy looks different than this guy. He has a stupider face.

My other baby son.

Palm Pals are very small so they are not very huggable. However, nothing compares to the feeling of putting a little Palm Pal in the collar of your sweatshirt and letting its little head poke out. They also come in a great variety. Look at tha elephants.....

The elephants.

They travel in herds :((( Pack-yderms :(((( They're best friends. Do not separate. Put them in your mouth

2/19/2026 Instagram: A Wasteland

Not a wasteland as in empty. A wasteland as in full of waste. And not waste as in low-effort content. I mean waste as in full of plastic.

I am a slime enthusiast. I'm a big slime enthusiast. I don't play with it often, but I have been watching slime videos for around nine years now, and have grown dependent on these sorts of sensory videos. I know it's shameful. I know it's antithetical to the little rant I'm about to go on about Instagram Crafts and Craft Products. I only say this to introduce how I got onto this side of Instagram.

Crafts and products that have been pissing me off lately:

1. Makeup products with gimmicky branding
2. Slime shops (I saw a slime shop video with the caption somewhere along the lines of  "I made this, not AI." That's good. But you are also making a living off of something bad for the environment. Kind of sick of seeing this kind of posturing everywhere.)
3. Taba squishy shops
4. Ok this is really specific but paint shops that just mix together a random amount of pigment with a random amount of oil/gum arabic to make the Thickest, Grainiest paint ever. And the paint is often in a metallic color, which is fun to LOOK at - but who is actually using THAT much of a metallic color in their paintings?
5. Resin jewelry shops and the sequins they throw in that goop
6. Anything involving epoxy - especially those furniture makers who fill in gaps in wood with epoxy
7. Literally anything with glitter

I know these opinions seem a little extreme. Why can't a gal have some slime? Or some blush? Or some cheap jewelry? But I don't know, I've been feeling a little sensitive about the environment and about capitalism lately. There are just so many bright and gaudy things being pushed at me on Instagram, none of which I actually need. I also hate how these things are marketed, half the time. Besides the low-quality or manipulative strategies used by these videos, I truly believe that just because something is fun to make and to watch being made, doesn't mean it should be made. 

Sorry for the long break between posts. Not been feeling my best this week, and my screentime has not helped this slump. 

2/10/2026 Webtoon Comment Sections Annoy Me

So I'm a manhwa reader, right. When I first started reading manhwa, I sought out good ones. Now I mostly read shitty ones on purpose - formulaic bullshit with brooding male leads and silly plot points and such. It's fun for like five seconds and then the novelty wears off.

Nowadays I read things from scan websites with no comment sections, which is very nice. I like forming my own opinions. Back when I did read comics with comment sections, the peanut gallery below every episode was the bane of my existence. Most comment sections on good manhwa discuss primarily the healthiness of the main relationship, which will fluctuate over the course of the story. Flags abound: "This was such a green flag move from the ML!" or "Uhm, ladies, just so you know, that level of jealousy is a RED FLAG." Naturally as I have uncovered my taste in romance I have grown annoyed by the constant evaluation of the wholesomeness of a fictional relationship. My annoyance is doubled, though, by the fact that webtoon commenters are often both annoying and wrong about what they're reading. 

Obviously there is misogyny. There is misogyny toward women who supposedly "get in the way" of the main romance, even if they are not written to be actively malicious or "slutty". "Bitch" is thrown around a lot. Like a lot. I have also seen excess judgement toward female leads who behave outside of the norm - which, like everything I'm about to talk about, is a valid opinion, but many female leads who I have liked for their emotional depth and/or neurodivergence are ripped to shreds in comment sections. These judgements are also often made way too soon, and without context. I get that it's hard to focus on the whole story when reading a serialized comic (which is why I prefer to read manhwa all the way though), but like. It's episode three. You're reading a story which will eventually recontextualize this action or make it seem trivial in the grand scheme of things. 

Speaking of that, I also see male leads judged similarly, albeit more rarely. Misunderstandings and other problems caused by natural lack of emotional intelligence as plot devices remain foreign to manhwa readers. I do get it. Sometimes those conflicts are thrown carelessly into a story because the story is stupidly written. But it seems that some readers are turned off by any misunderstanding at all, even if it will soon - again - be recontextualized or given deeper meaning. 

We are all bound to use the goomba fallacy at some point.

And this is all ironic because I have read comments on darker comics, ones structured entirely around a male lead's cruelty, which praise said man for his supposed green flags. I would understand it better if people acknowledged the shittiness of the romance they were reading, but they don't. They think the male lead's rough treatment of other women is justified (which is a whole other can of worms) and that consent requested halfway through a sex act is healthy. And it's like, maybe I'm falling victim to the goomba fallacy (see the photo), but where was this grace when a better male lead in a better manhwa made a mistake? Shit, dude, I don't judge you for being here - I'm also at the devil's sacrament! - but at least don't be annoying about the whole thing.

Now I want to talk about the second male lead. Romance aficionados have distinguished a phenomenon called "second male lead syndrome" in which readers of a love story end up rooting for a relationship between the female lead and the romantic rival of the male lead. I got vaxxed against this deadly disease as soon as I opened "True Beauty" in 2020. Fucking hate that webtoon.

Anyway. I have never rooted for a second male lead and a female lead to get together for two reasons.

1. Most of the time, second male leads in manhwa are either a) actively evil and/or obsessive people, whether that is acknowledged in the story or not; or b) just kind and friendly toward the female lead. Either way I have never seen a second male lead have actual chemistry with a female lead, even if they would be a healthier couple than the female and male lead together. I came here to feel things, and I feel nothing for this man. No matter how handsome he is supposed to be, to me, he is Just Lines.
2. To put it bluntly, I want to read the love story between the two people on the cover. I want to see the two people whose perspectives are predominantly featured in this comic fall in love. Even if the author subverted expectations in such an ingenious manner as to make the second male lead and female lead both a) have chemistry and b) be "endgame", I'd probably still be a smidge disappointed. I don't wanna go so far as to claim that every character is a "tool" for a story; this isn't a creation myth or a fable. I do think that no matter how much interiority a second male lead has, he will always be in some way a plot device by way of being a second male lead. He is here to cause conflict in the main love story. Sometimes shipping a female lead with a second male lead feels the same to me as shipping her with a set piece, if the manhwa is bad enough.

A male lead will make a mistake in episode two of a manhwa and the comments will be like "I'm already getting second ML syndrome..." GIRL BE PATIENT!! This shit will probably run between 50 and 250 episodes!! Give it some time!! Also, if you don't like this story - read something else!!! 

So yeah. I understand that a lot of these commenters are probably children or young adults. Perhaps, though, we should normalize journals. Or telling your grievances to your friends. This is what I do. It's very helpful because people don't have to see your opinion when they're trying to read a goddamn story. 

2/9/2026 she Art on my Academy with such proficiency as to make it a Lesson For Everyone!

Puby dobg.

Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone! is an amazing game about being taught to paint by an old man named Vince while his beagle sleeps soundly and guitars sing from your 3DS speakers. This is why everyone with a DS console should hack it. I hacked my New 2DS XL and it was arduous because I am stupid. It was the best decision I have ever made.

The man himself.

My first painting from 2024.

In his lessons, Vince teaches you to sketch and paint in a variety of different styles. I have not made it far in the game, so I've mostly done still life lessons. The canvas and function of the media (paints, pastels, pencils, etc.) replicates real life relatively accurately - there's no undo button, for example. Paints streak and mix with one another if you brush a certain way. 

I love Vince dearly. I love his real passion for art. Sometimes I mistrust him - sometimes I try to make my painting look more realistic, more pleasing to my own eye. But his paintings almost always look better than mine in the end. Sometimes in the middle of a lesson he will lecture about color theory or Mexican folk art. When you see him put his glasses on and a "skip" button on the bottom screen, you know he's about to drop some wisdom. He's so fucking cool. 

The GOAT.

The music of the game is so unimaginably touching to me. This piece is my absolute favorite:

Fuck. I love classical guitar so much. I could cry to this music. Just listen to this one:

(By the way, I am going to bring K-pop into this. The bridge of "ASAP" by STAYC sounds very similar to an "Art Academy" piece:

It sort of has a similar soundfont.) 

I probably should have been working today, but instead I was finishing up a painting of avocados.

Attempting vainly to capture Vince's avocados.

 

He's so cool.

2/3/2026 Error Fixed

There was a little HTML error in my "Knife" review that made a whole paragraph invisible... sorry guys... that's fixed now...

1/29/2026 Is Romantic Love Real? And Other Pretentious Questions

• Is it possible for a person to feel so strongly for another person? Like in real life? - to find them beautiful for a few months, I mean, before settling again into loneliness and unfulfillment? Is sleeping next to them refreshing? Or does it take away from you like everything else?
• Why do people like computer keyboards that sound like shit? Keyboards the ASMR community say sound "creamy" really give me the feeling that I'm vomiting up a Labubu 
• How much guilt should I be feeling right now? 

1/26/2026 Grinding

Superstar SMTOWN is a cruel mistress.

In my introductory blog post, I mentioned that gameplay involves a lot of leveling up cards, like in Project Sekai - and now that I have verified the definition of "gacha game" it is occurring to me that this blog may become a log of my gambling addiction. Fuck.

So be it. 

Anyway, my main card-upgrading strategy is to sacrifice every card I receive of a member of Super Junior. I have no Super Junior cards; I sacrifice them all when there is an occasion to level up another card. Collecting SuJu cards is my very last priority.  

Joy's gaping maw receives the sacrifices of Kyuhyun and Zhoumi. (Neither card succeeded.)

My secondary strategy is to sacrifice a) duplicate cards in lower grades (why have a C-tier "Obsession" themed Sehun card if I already have a B-tier one?) or b) duplicate cards in the same grade that I don't feel like using to make cards go up a grade (for example, if I max out two C-tier identical "Married to the Music" themed Minho cards, I can combine them into one B-tier card). 

I could've combined these two Kais, but IDRGAF, so I sacrificed one to the other.

Click to see my cool cards.

This week, "Something's in the Water" by RIIZE became playable on Superstar SM. During events like these, there will usually be special "event" cards listed as separate from the regular group cards, and with fancy borders and shit. There are also missions attached to it - missions involving collecting a certain amount of event cards and getting a specific score on the song. I have five out of six cards in various grades, but only some are rewards for doing the missions: after a while they just expect you to buy the rest using diamonds, a currency notoriously difficult to attain.

Phase one of the missions. How am I to survive in these conditions?  

You can see where they stopped giving me cards.

The higher your card grade and star-level on a card, the more points you gain by hitting notes while that card is on the screen. Therefore, if I don't have high enough grade cards, I will never get 2,000,000 points - and the challenge ends tomorrow!!! 

Fuck, this is embarrassing. If I complete all three phases, all I'll get is a wallpaper. But I also want to win! I want to get it all done!!

Superstar SMTOWN really is an ingenious game model. There are so many groups under SM, and many of them are still releasing music, giving it a large and ever-expanding music library and therefore an ever-expanding library of cards. I guess that's the premise of every rhythm game, though. 

1/25/2026 Crochet Time!

I have always envied people who can crochet, but never felt I had the energy or drive to pick up a new hobby. Turns out I do! Today was day three of crocheting and I have already made some good practice pieces.

My first complete practice "project" thing.

It's nice and useful - it keeps me off my phone, and I do need to be doing something with my hands in order to focus. 

More aimless stitching.

So-called "granny squares" were harder to make. The cool thing about crocheting, though, is that you can just start over at any time. I started over a few times with my first granny squares. It felt good even to fail - it just meant I had more things to do with my hands! I'm sure I will be more perfectionist with my first big projects.

My first granny squares.

Unfortunately, I hate the texture of thickly knit and crocheted clothing, so I'll just be making a bunch of excess for a while. I think crocheting is one of those things that's not so useful now that we have mass-produced fabric, which is awful because it's so fucking addictive.

A rather sassier granny square.

1/23/2026 Whatever Was Going On With Cephalus and Procris

Skipped another day... hehe...

The story of Cephalus and Procris serves to remind us all that people didn't tell stories quite the same as they do now, because things just kind of happen. So Procris is of the house of Athens, the niece of Procne, who became the first nightingale, and Cephalus is a descendant of the King of the Winds and a hunter. The goddess Aurora falls in love with Cephalus and kidnaps him. He begs to be let go so he can be with his wife. Aurora assents but suggests Procris could have cheated on him. Cephalus goes back in disguise to test Procris's loyalty.

Zoom in on Cephalus' face. He does NOT fuck with Aurora!!!!

"He made passionate love to her, always reminding her, too, that her husband had forsaken her. Nevertheless for a long time he could not move her. To all his pleas she made the same answer, “I belong to him. Wherever he is I keep my love for him.” 

But one day when he was pouring out petitions, persuasions, promises, she hesitated. She did not give in; she only did not firmly oppose him, but that was enough for Cephalus." (272)

Not sure what Procris looks so happy about here.

 

He yells at her because he's a bitch. And she leaves and forsakes the company of men. Which was the right thing to do. Unfortunately she eventually forgives him, and many years later he accidentally kills her while they're hunting.  

So much happening there. So much to play with: Cephalus being flighty because he's a descendant of the winds - Aurora being so central to the plot and yet somehow not - Procris dying at the hands of her husband because men aren't shit - etc. 

Élisabeth Jacquet de La Guerre's opera Céphale et Procris, with a libretto by Joseph-François Duché de Vancy, is a little different. This version makes its moral slightly more obvious. Céphale and Procris are not married, but Aurora still wants to fuck the former, and tells Minerva to tell her priestess that Procris should marry some guy named Borée. Then she kidnaps Céphale. When she eventually lets him go, she sends a fury of jealousy upon Procris, who runs away and agrees to marry Borée. Then Céphale goes to fight Borée and kills Procris in the process. 

The beginning of the death scene of Céphale et Procris. Beautiful stuff...

I suppose I'm not feeling the blog feeling today. I hope this doesn't indicate a permanent burnout - I simply can't let another hobby die out - something has to stick. Something has to stick!

1/19/2026 How the Fuck Do You Embed Audio On Here

I am sick of it. Oh my god. Either you can't play the audio, or you CAN play the audio but the text fucking disappears. How do I do this. I was so excited about my post today and now I can't post it!!

Help me 

1/18/2026 Trouble Transitioning

I have expressed this online before, but I think people who shit on Tumblr or BlueSky while having Twitter accounts are absurd. You have a Twitter account. You have no excuse to have a Twitter account.

That being said, I joined Twitter with a private account in March of last year and am still on there. 

I cannot wean myself from it. I don't have the app - I use Firefox on my phone to access it - so there's no way to delete it in order to make it less accessible. I thought Blogger and Tumblr would make for good alternatives, but I don't have Blogger on my phone, and frankly, not much goes on on Tumblr. (I know for a fact it is not dead, though. Please get on Tumblr.)

My impulse to be on Twitter is the same as my impulse to be on Spotify, which I only got so I could track my listening stats with last.fm. I want to be in the know. I want to be able to interact with my friends, and - well - I want attention. I am no less performative than anyone else. I got an Instagram recently and am trying to balance sharing K-pop songs with Baroque arias so people know I'm multifaceted like that.

I should be smarter than all this. Anyone else feel like they should be smarter than this? Aren't we supposed to be better than those people who must constantly announce themselves by being funny, or witty, or morally superior? Shouldn't we be able to strong-arm ourselves into keeping from getting on our phones when we are uncomfortable in real life?

I do feel at times when I'm at an oppressively uncomfortable social gathering or event that the world must shrink down to just me and Twitter. These are times when I think I'm allowed to cope by watching my favorite K-pop boys dance in vertical concert videos. But, predictably, I remain miserable, hunched over with eyes straining to read.

Whatever. These kinds of posts are why I'm on Blogger and not Substack.

1/15/2026 Anglican Composers I Hate

When I first heard William Henry Harris's Magnificat in A, I was astounded at how much it fucking sucked. Rather, its structure was new to me at first. Then I gradually realized it fucking sucked. I have sung two Harris pieces and I have noticed the same awful aspects in both.

This is a blog post written out of rage and not proofread, so I expect to be embarrassed of it as soon as next week. I want to apologize to people who enjoy Anglican choral music. I am tempted to write off the whole genre, but it does include some Thomas Tallis and Handel (!!!), plus some interesting modern composers. There was just a period in the late 19th and early 20th centuries when composers seem to have fucking sucked. 

Maybe it's just that I know the language they are writing in, and therefore can spot more keenly the parts where the music doesn't serve the text. Or maybe it's just because British composers have a propensity to suck. Probably a combination of both, and also that I have to sing these choral pieces. But I'm sure hearing the same Magnificat every other evensong must bare to an audience its weaknesses that the choristers hear so clearly! 

It's not just that the writing of these short pieces is monotonous, although that's certainly a big factor. The works just cannot make up for their winding structure with any particularly sweet or unique substance, and many choices made seem arbitrary and ridiculous. 

Things that English church composers of the 19th and 20th centuries love to write:

• Random solo lines for sopranos, SA, or TB
• Phrases that randomly cut off and then resume after a measure or two
• Hesitant mini-phrases followed by aimless organ interludes
• Random unison sections 
• Cadences that aren't fucking cadences

The last thing is the evilest thing about the Harris Magnificat. It goes from tonic to tonic. I to I. The middle voices descend just to jump right back to the same fucking chord. (Zero shade to the performers I reference here, by the way. This choir is very good.)

I'm starting to feel guilty about writing this because my animosity has faded a little since I started. Therefore I will end this here. I feel so alone in this position. If you also hate Anglican choral music, please let me know and I'll properly bitch about John Ireland. In the meantime, check out his Jubilate deo and Te deum and play bingo with the list above. 

1/14/2026 Bad Old Poems, and Marlowe

Sometimes I do wish sonnets Worked and were not such a risk. I've written some in the past few years and they have been great exercises - but they don't hold up so well. Today I will give you a glimpse of some Bad Blog Poetry.

So two or three years ago I wrote some fragments of a sonnet - the voice was of a wanderer who comes across some kind of singer and chills with him. Don't remember the way in which the singer uniquely is able to quell the wanderer's anxieties; that was probably going to be the meat of the poem, which I did not ever get to.

"Some time ago, I met a wandering man

(Moreso a nomad; “wandering” did not suit

A one so deep enamored of his plan

That never did he stray from this one route)."

Embarrassing. I have high standards for this kind of fantasy aesthetic, as it really is not my thing, so it was a real risk to write it. I do remember I was going to say "man" instead of "one" in line three, but it sounded disgusting because "man" rhymes with "plan".

Skipping four lines later -  

"So fond was I of him, I let him stay

About my fire, and on his dented lip

Put song that charmed me till an hour to day;

His voice so raw and clear—I have no quip

To give that would quite serve the way his cheeks

Assembled round his smile, nor serve his brow,

Relaxed upon his skin (he was not meek,

Pretending not an absent effort). Now

I spoke to him with burden lessened still

Against my pressing urge withal to speak,

Which, were the silence soft, as was my will,

Before our quiet comfort would prove weak—"

Not sure what "on his dented lip / Put song" was intended to mean - probably goaded him into singing? Don't like the use of the word "quip". I do think the twistiness of the last four lines is engaging, but even I'm having trouble figuring it out. I guess I meant the wanderer is more comfortable speaking now, but if the silence were "soft" (the singer not singing?) they would still feel comfortable not speaking. 

Lines that could perhaps be strong if tweaked. Hope the next line doesn't have the term "lack-a-day" in it!

"Yet—lack-a-day—his eyes averted so—"

Shit.

"Yet—lack-a-day—his eyes averted so

As to show them aflame with starshine bright

And so they took on tears; but now I know

The suff’ring there was played me by the light"

Here the first fragment ends. The syntax of the last line is kind of nonsensical, unless I meant "played" as in "shown" (???) - but even then I'm not sure the light is meant to be the subject.

I actually completed a sonnet on the myth of Hero and Leander the year before, and it's one I liked very, very much. I think it holds up better than this one. I've always loved mini tragic Greek and Roman love stories. In this one, Hero, a priestess of Aphrodite, lives on the opposite shore of the Hellespont from Leander, who swims across it every night to see her, guided by the flame of Hero's lighthouse. One night during a storm the light is blown out and Leander drowns. When Hero finds him washed up on the beach, she kills herself.

I had known the myth for a while, but by some chance I came to skim Christopher Marlowe's poem on the lovers and was fascinated. Many aspects of it are terribly rapey, and for no reason, too. Others are very sweet. I take it line by line. For example, this fragment, despite the situation involving loss of sexual agency, does have some charming imagery: 

"His hands he cast upon her like a snare:

She, overcome with shame and sallow fear,

Like chaste Diana when Actæon spied her,

Being suddenly betray'd, div'd down to hide her;

And, as her silver body downward went,

With both her hands she made the bed a tent,

And in her own mind thought herself secure,

O'ercast with dim and darksome coverture."

In some of the weakest lines of my poem I chose to infuse some references to masturbation and to mind-reading OCD. I realize that sounds insane.

"Now Hero puts a finger to her lips;

Her sacred shift she drapes on, and begins:

 

'Since through the dewy night I lie awake

For gentler causes than my shame, and fear,

Beneath my quilt I will a tent-pole make

And test your name where ghosts can never hear.'" 

I should probably edit that part.

My strongest lines also reference Marlowe, who ends his poem as such:

"Thus near the bed [Hero] blushing stood upright [...]

And right about the chamber [a] false morn

Brought forth the day before the day was born.

So Hero's ruddy cheek Hero betray'd,

And her all naked to his sight display'd [...]

By this, Apollo's golden harp began

To sound forth music to the ocean;

Which watchful Hesperus no sooner heard,

But he the bright Day-bearing car prepar'd,

And ran before as harbinger of light,

And with his flaring beams mock'd ugly Night,

Till she, o'ercome with anguish, shame, and rage,

Dang'd down to hell her loathsome carriage." 

How strange it is to end a love poem this way! The sexuality is in keeping with the rest of the work, but to end the whole thing with a witchlike description of the night is an interesting choice. 

Here's what I wrote:

"The lighthouse gleams, yet pale, in dawning heat;

The vapors of the sea rise dull and grim;

The ugly Sun puts darkness to retreat

And redly shifts the candle’s span to dim,

And whitely sets upon Leander’s hips

And dances on his tunic-hidden skin."

As ugly as Night in comparison to Marlowe, but I think it makes more sense to have the Day be despised, since that is when the lovers have to part.

Maybe I will edit the poem to my liking and post it one of these days. Thoughts?