My Superstar SMTOWN missions have taken me places I wouldn't go with a gun, including to the land of Super Junior. One day it took me to the song "California Love" by Donghae of Super Junior, featuring Jeno of NCT. Now, my bias against Super Junior is based primarily on hearsay, so I cannot authoritatively say they're a bad group, though I know some of them to be evil. I would be more open to them if I actually gave a fuck about any solo song of theirs I've heard.
I'll admit that watching their early performances makes me feel warm and nostalgic inside - especially this performance of "Full of Happiness" originally by H.O.T. Their voices really are lovely, their haircuts and outfits familiar. Then again, I also feel warm watching Seventeen's cover of the same song, so maybe I just like this song.
Well, fuck. Now I'm not mad enough to write about this goddamn song. And fuck Super Junior!!!
He looks so passionate in this music video. And pink."California Love" starts with a perfectly nice instrumental - nothing new for SM songs specifically, though. After 700 K-pop solo debuts in this style, it sounds like well-made and atmospheric stock music.
And then Donghae comes in and oh my God it's like. Who made this decision.
I don't think his voice sounds pleasant anyway - he's not a very musical performer, because I'm definitely not feeling that California Love right now. That is a statement many people might disagree with, having heard more of his work. I think most of us can agree, though, that the autotune is laughable.
And it does not cease, but remains constant throughout a droning rap. (Said rap only pauses after the words "California bit!" which is something so small but so fucking stupid and sudden it makes me want to laugh.) Donghae is not yet 40, and yet he manages to sound like an old man doing a cha-cha.
"Your pretty face is so small
Your cotton candy-like tone excites me
Your sexy tanned skin is Gree Gree
I think we look good together
Your body is like the California sunshine
Like debt that follows reckless betting,
I’ll bet my everything on you
I picture you in my mind again today
I’m imagining a song with you."
Whatever the fuck any of this means. This feels like misogyny 2010s-style, like a J.Y. Park song.
[UPDATE: I've looked up "gree gree" to see what it meant - and all I can find for a definition is "an African talisman or amulet". Is this racist? I hope it's like, a Korean expression or something, because that may be egregiously anti-Black. Holy shit.]
Even more old-mannish, though, is the prechorus:
Am I being pranked?
Anyway now we have to talk about Jeno. My opinions on his verse will perhaps be a little more contentious. I don't think Jeno can rap. Rather, Jeno's rapping style suits a particular style of song that I have not heard yet. And after Donghae's aggressive and grating vocals, I am not eager to hear Jeno yell at me.
This is ridiculous. If there is a purpose to this - to introduce such harshness into a song about, presumably, fucking on a beach - if there is a hidden motive, a hidden irony, a hidden place I am meant to discover in this song, I don't want to hear it, anyway. Is it narrow-minded to say this is poorly made? Am I missing something? Is this a hyperpop masterpiece?
Later on, the bridge toys with me, plays with my urge to be fair. There's no Jeno and not as much autotune. The instrumental seems to be building to something. And then the chorus starts again, business as usual.
So, like, whatever. Why was this song made? Was anyone under the impression this would be a hit? Did anyone working on this song have any romance or desire in their heart they just needed to express? (Donghae, at least, sounds into it. He is credited as a lyricist and composer, so we know his heart was in the project.)
Yeah, I'm mad again. And fuck Super Junior - fuck nostalgia - fuck SM Entertainment - fuck the whole state of California - fuck the concept of romantic love. None of it holds anything for me anymore.